Sail Away from the Safe Harbor
by We're All Fairy Tales
Summary: Cosima's illness is progressing, and Delphine is struggling to cope.


Delphine wakes to a nightmare.

For one stubborn moment she tries to convince herself that this is the dream, that she's fallen asleep and will soon be prodded awake by Cosima. She will tell her that she is missing the best part of the sci-fi movie she insisted Delphine watch. It's a dream, everything is fine, it will be over soon...

But the clouds of sleep are dissipating from her mind, and she cannot ignore reality's clarity. Cosima is not snuggled next to her on the couch, enjoying a movie she has seen enough times to have memorized. She's in the bathroom, coughing and gasping and wheezing, trying to catch a breath she can never reclaim.

She bolts out of bed, rushing to the next room. She sucks in a breath when she sees something worse than any nightmare she has experienced - her Cosima, her brave, strong, beautiful Cosima, curled on the bathroom tiles, leaving red streaks on her face as she wipes at eyes that are shedding tears.

Delphine joins her on the ground, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her close. She begins to subconsciously rock back and forth, trying to move as gently as she can when both of their bodies are shaking. Cosima leans into her, resting her head on Delphine's chest. Almost immediately, she gives a massive, lung rattling cough, splattering a fine mist of blood on Delphine's shirt.

"Shit, I... I'm sorry. I got blood all over you."

"Shhhh. It's okay, I don't mind."

Cosima looks like she is about to reply, but another wave of coughs cuts her off. Delphine continues her soothing motions, muttering, "It'll be okay, you'll be okay," and, "I'm right here, I've got you." She says whatever comes to mind, whatever she thinks might offer Cosima with some level of comfort.

There's nothing for them to do but wait for it to pass. It's maddening for Delphine - not being able to do anything but hold Cosima as every cough brings her closer to the end. She wants to go to the lab, hole herself up, and not emerge until she has the cure for Cosima, can take away all of this sickness and fear.

Several minutes go by before Cosima's lungs start to settle; let her take in a breath that does not end in blood. She relaxes against Delphine's chest, body going slack, and eyes sliding shut. Her breaths are still raspy, and her lungs are still making a kind of wet bubbling noise, but Delphine is so thankful just to have her breathing.

She thinks about how low her expectations have gotten.

"This is not a good place to fall asleep," Delphine says, not having to speak above a whisper for Cosima to hear her. "Come with me. We'll get you cleaned up, and then go back to bed."

Cosima complies without complaint, letting Delphine help her stand, and then guide her to sit on the edge of the bathtub. Delphine does not miss the fact that Cosima keeps a hand on the wall to steady herself and slouches over, too tired to keep herself upright.

Delphine sheds her own bloody shirt as she walks to their dresser, not wanting to feel the warmth of Cosima's blood for another second. She drops it carelessly on the floor - it doesn't matter, because she's never going to wear it again. No amount of washing could wring this memory out of the cloth.

She grabs the first outfit her hands touch, wanting to get back to Cosima quickly. She's still sitting on the edge of the tub, dirty clothes already off, head resting on her knees. Her back is heaving with the effort of trying to suppress sobs, but it is not enough to stop the small sniffling noises that are coming from her.

Delphine kneels down in front of her, clothes set to the side for the moment. She slowly puts a hand on Cosima's back, feeling the heat radiating off her - she's either just starting to burn with fever, or Delphine was too full of adrenaline to notice a few minutes ago.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Cosima insists, sitting up. She brushes away the tears that are dotting her cheeks, as if she does not want Delphine to see.

"Cosima, it's... you do not have to always be fine."

"No, really, I'm okay. I'm just... scared, you know?"

There are a dozen things Delphine wants to say. She wants to tell Cosima that she's scared, too. That she's worried that they won't decode the disease in time, that it will continue to spread, until Cosima slips away. That she has been in a state of constant anxiety since the night Cosima told her she was sick. That she would do _anything, _if it would make Cosima feel safe.

It takes everything in her to muster a brave face.

"We're going to figure this out, _mon amour. _You will be better soon, and when you are, we will do whatever we want. We will put all of this behind us, and never think of it again."

Cosima makes a noise that sounds like one of agreement, and Delphine takes the chance to start helping her into the new clothes. It takes longer to clean the blood off her. Delphine meticulously scrubs at her skin with a wet wash cloth, not leaving even the slightest trace of pink. Cosima doesn't say a word, just goes along with what Delphine is doing, too tired to do anything else.

Delphine slides in close to her once they are back in bed. She takes in her body heat, the softness of her skin, and the strong smell of lavender and spices that clings to her. She tries to ignore the other smell behind it - the metallic smell that has become all too commonplace.

She closes her eyes, and again, tries to tell herself that she's dreaming. She wishes that it would end, that she could get back to exploring the world with an enthusiastic and healthy Cosima. She has seen too much of this nightmare, felt too much of it, _lived _too much of it.

The persistent sound of Cosima's breathing, wet with fluid, reminds her that this is what her life has become.

She makes sure Cosima is asleep before she starts to cry.


End file.
